How To Kidnap A Kid For Your Own Benefit
by Enya Talisman
Summary: Or rather, how Nico kidnapped the love of her life's kid in a stupid attempt to win her over all over again. Which she didn't.


Lately I've a growing interest in pairing Nico up with almost anyone (as of May 2016). This is getting out of hand, oh well. I don't own Love Live.

XXXXXX

"Okay guys, now what?" A petite woman with a scar running from the left side of her nasal bridge to the bottom of her right eye asked, her ruby eyes glaring at a gagged girl with blond hair and cerulean eyes.

"What do you mean by 'now what', _you're_ the one who planned this yan!" A woman with chestnut hair questioned the first woman, her already narrowed amethyst eyes narrowing even further until only a fraction of her eyes could be seen.

"Well, we didn't plan ahead hey?" An ash-grey haired woman that resembled a good-looking man with a ponytail tried diffusing the situation, her amber orbs turning to face the girl. "Don't be scared okay? We're not here to harm you hey?"

"Okay that's it. What's with the 'hey' MinaKo?" The first woman asked, sighing at her accomplice's unusual tone. "You too KinoMa, it's downright irritating. And why do you two have such weird names? I feel stupid addressing you guys like that."

"It's to conceal our identities should Eli escape yan?" KinoMa replied, facepalming at the first woman's question. "We're gonna call you Yakuza since it sounds cooler yan."

"You do realise MinaKo only stuffed Eli's mouth right and not her ears?" Yakuza replied, giving Eli a middle finger only to be smacked by MinaKo. "Ow!"

"There's no need to gesture such vulgarities hey?" She then proceeded to un-gag Eli, a soft smile on her face.

"Pwah! Damn it you guys, why did you kidnap _me_ of all children?" Eli asked the very first question in her mind, a smirk appearing on Yakuza's face.

"We need you as our bargaining chip. So you better cooperate or else..." Yakuza then pulled out a butterfly knife from her jacket pocket, flipping it to reveal a shiny blade. "Well, you'll end up like me."

"Behave now! We're not here to scare the poor girl hey!"

"Shut up yan. Now, we're gonna get necessities since you yourself haven't bought anything in like... six days?" KinoMa held up a set of keys before proceeding up a flight of stairs with MinaKo. "You want anything for yourself Eli yan?"

"H-How do you three even know my name?!"

"Okay, nothing for the whiny little hostage and some hard candy for me." Yakuza answered back, shooing KinoMa.

"W-Wait! I-I want some chocolate... please?" Eli requested, slightly afraid that Yakuza may whack her for even daring to place an order for herself.

"Okay, be back in a few yan." With that, KinoMa and MinaKo left the the room they were in (which was actually the basement), leaving Eli alone with Yakuza.

"So..." Yakuza pulled out a light blue game console from her pocket, handing it to Eli.

"Why do you have _my_ console?!" Eli asked, receiving her game console from Yakuza.

"Look, as much as a kidnapper's supposed to stare at the kidnapped the whole day, I would rather spend my time playing." Yakuza casually replied as she pulled out a pink game console of her own. "You have 'Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate'?"

"Yeah, why?" Eli asked cautiously, warily locking eyes with her kidnapper. _'A pink game console...? Is this kidnapper for real?'_

"Can we _please_ team up? I've been searching for a player that is willing to partner up with me for so long!"

"Uh sure. Just switch on your connection and we can start...?"

"Thanks!" The two of them then embarked on many quests together, not even bothering to pause even after the other two kidnappers came back with supplies.

 _'Is this kidnapper attempting to earn my trust...? She's doing a harasho job of it though...'_

XXXXXX

"Umi-chan, you have to find Elichi!" A woman with byzantium hair begged another woman with navy blue hair.

"I'll see what I could do Nozomi. But other than Eli being kidnapped, what else is missing?" Umi asked, taking out a notepad from a drawer.

"Her game console and... uh... y'know... _that_." Nozomi's last word came out in a whisper, as though it was something really priceless until it couldn't even be explicitly mentioned in a police report. Umi tilted her head, expressing her confusion towards 'that'.

"I'm sorry Nozomi but what are you referring to?" Umi asked, sending Nozomi into a sweating fit. "Nozomi, it's okay. As long it's not a bomb or some explosives-"

"...Nicocchi's engagement necklace..." Nozomi muttered, her turquoise eyes averting away from the policewoman's citrine ones.

"Engagement...? Wait, I don't understand..."

"I-It's just a moonstone necklace okay! Call me if you managed to find them, bye!" Nozomi then left the police station, leaving Umi behind to examine the information she had gotten.

"Hey Umi, I got you lunch." A scarlet-haired woman held up two takeaways, her lips lifting into a smile. "Got you fried rice, is that okay?"

"Thanks Maki, are you on your break?" Umi asked, flashing a quick smile towards Maki before going back to the notepad.

"Mmhm. What's that though, new case?" Maki asked, snaking an arm around Umi's slender waist.

"Eli was kidnapped along with her game console and Nico's engagement necklace...?" Upon hearing about the necklace, Maki coughed violently which made Umi worry.

"Maki! Are you okay?!" Umi patted Maki's back, the latter giving a thumbs up.

"I-I'm good. Did you just say Nico-chan's necklace?" Maki asked, going back to her signature poker face. _'Close call, can't let Umi find out that we're related to this case...'_

"Yup. I don't understand something, Nozomi said it was an 'engagement' necklace. What did she mean by that? I mean, she married Eric right?"

"Well Umi... Nico-chan... kinda proposed to Nozomi before she married Eric a month later." Maki sighed, thanking the gods that said person was playing games with the captive. "And Nozomi said yes."

"Nozomi married Eric after Nico proposed to her?! T-That's..."

"Let's just say, Nozomi didn't exactly plan on having Eli. That marriage was also the reason Nico-chan left Japan." Maki concluded, omitting the fact that Nico had never left Japan, choosing to hide herself in seclusion and only contacted Maki and MinaKo a few weeks ago.

"I see... I think I should call Eric, he may have information about Eli." Umi reached out for the telephone but was stopped by Maki. "Maki?"

"Before you call him, I should warn you that they are now divorced. Nozomi has custody of Eli as you can see."

"What?! When?!"

"Two years ago? Wait, you're not aware of it?"

"No I'm not..." Maki facepalmed, in complete shock that her girlfriend was unaware of matters concerning her friends. Then again, being in the police force means that some personal time will be sacrificed.

 _'Eh, it'll work in Nico-chan's favour...'_

XXXXXX

"So, why did you kidnap me? I'm sure there's a reason..." Eli asked, leaning on a wall. Nico sighed, she regretted befriending Eli.

"Do you have a good relationship with your dad?" Nico shrugged off Eli's question by replacing it with her own. Eli sighed for getting her question deflected but decided there would be another opportunity some time soon.

"Not really. He cheated on Mama."

"Then do you know about your mom's past?" Nico pressed on, a serious look crossing her marred but still pretty face.

"Not really... But I think she has a bad history with someone named 'Nicocchi'..." Eli replied, her voice dropping into a whisper.

"And why do you think so?" Nico asked, not revealing her surprise to the girl. Sure, she may seem like a mature and understanding child but there are some issues that should not be shared with a child.

"Mama has the tendency to have nightmares? I've seen it once. She was calling out that name as though she was in pain, ending it with a strangled cry." Nico blushed, making a mental note that she should make sure that Eli was _actually_ sleeping when she's supposed to.

"That means she's in love with that person hey!" MinaKo appeared, holding two plates containing pasta. "I made seafood pasta!"

"Oh it's cream. Thank the gods." Nico heaved a sigh of relief as she took a plate from the woman's right hand.

"I made a special one for KinoMa since she loves tomatoes. Eli-chan, here's your dinner hey!" Eli's plate was then placed in front of her, steam floating from the freshly made pasta.

"Thank you very much. But why do you say that Mama is in love with this Nicocchi?" Eli asked as she ate her dinner, causing Nico to make cross signs with her arms.

"Well~ What your mom is doing is called 'masturbating'! It's to sexually please her-"

"Enough! She's only like, 12! Don't corrupt her innocent mind!" Nico intervened, stuffing a forkful of pasta into MinaKo's mouth.

"She's bound to know all these when she gets older yan." Maki sighed as she came down the stairs, her pasta in hand.

"S-So Mama was pleasuring herself all this while?! You think I should learn it too so that I can help Mama when she needs it...?"

"NO!" Nico yelled, hastily trying to cover Eli's mouth but failed to do so as she was restrained by MinaKo.

"That's not how it works Eli yan. You need to get wet by thinking of your lover yan..." Maki explained, Nico dropping her head in defeat. Eli then blushed profusely, finally understanding what her kidnappers were talking about.

"I... this is something people in love do right...?"

"Yan." Maki nodded, staring in boredom at a wall. Eli blushed further while MinaKo smiled sweetly.

"Oh my god... You two just ruined her innocence in a matter of seconds!" Nico groaned out, thrashing around in MinaKo's grip.

XXXXXX

"Niccochi..." Nozomi sighed to herself as she held a framed picture with herself and Nico in it. The two of them in the picture looked exactly like the present, apart from the fact that picture Nico was devoid of the scar.

"I miss you Nicocchi... I shouldn't have married Eric-kun..." Tears spilled out from Nozomi's eyes, sobbing as she held the picture securely in her hands. All of a sudden, the doorbell rang, bringing Nozomi out of her thoughts. "C-Coming!"

"Nozomi-chan I decided to- Is everything alright?!" Nozomi nodded, wiping away a tear from her right eye as she ushered her visitor in.

"I'm fine Kotori-chan. It's just that... Elichi's kidnapped, the only thing I have left of Nicocchi is gone and I've no one to lean on for support..." Kotori's expression softened, tenderly patting Nozomi's back.

"We're all here for you, please don't cry Nozomi-chan. Have you eaten your dinner?" Nozomi shook her head, choosing to focus her attention on the telephone.

"No... I'm scared that the kidnappers may contact me when I'm out..."

"Anything in the fridge?" Kotori stood up and went into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator. "I can thaw some chicken drumlets if you like?"

"It's fine... I think I can eat some sugar to keep up body running..." Kotori sighed, Nozomi could prove to be stubborn when she's particularly depressed. The last time Nozomi was severely depressed, she was standing on a ledge in her failed attempt to commit suicide.

"I'll thaw them. I'm actually also hungry too..." Kotori proceeded to thaw the meat, poking into the living room to see Nozomi's current expression. _'Nico-chan should really apologise to Nozomi-chan after all this...'_

"Is it really okay for you to eat your own kind? That's cannibalism y'know." Nozomi joked, placing the picture on the table. Before Kotori could retort, the telephone rang. Nozomi immediately rushed to pick up the phone, stumbling on the way. "H-Hello?!"

"Your daughter is with me. If you want to see her alive, you better cough out half a million yen." A deep voice was heard booming from the receiver, scaring Nozomi.

"B-But I don't have that much money!"

"Shut it. Is your precious kid worth that little to you? Oi, put her on the phone." Rustling sounds could be heard in the background, indicating a change in speaker.

"Mama?! Don't listen to them! Call Aunt Umi! Ju-" A slap sound could be heard, followed by a thud. Screams could be heard from Eli as faint slashing sounds could be heard whizzing around, implying that the blade was held dangerously.

"D-Don't hurt Elichi! I-I'll give you what you want! Please just don't hurt her!" Nozomi begged, turning desperate as she feared for Eli's safety.

"Good. I'll tell you the location a day before the deadline, you better get the cash ready. Oh and by the way... the necklace you have is really pretty. Treasure the fool who gave it you _Ayase-san_." With that, the call ended, leaving Nozomi distraught.

"W-What do I do Kotori-chan?! I only have two days to prepare half a million yen!" Nozomi asked, grabbing Kotori by the collar.

"I-I don't know! M-Maybe lodge a police report?" Kotori whimpered, frightened by Nozomi's behaviour.

"Elichi will get killed if I tell Umi-chan about this! No no no... I have to find a way to get money fast... You think selling my body is a good idea?"

"Nozomi-chan! That's wrong, Eli-chan will hate you for it if she finds out that you sold your body just for her freedom!"

"W-What should I do then...? Ah! Maki-chan is well-off right? I-I should ask her to lend me some money! And maybe with my inheritance Father left for me..."

"Nozomi-chan..." Kotori muttered out, sighing at the trouble she had agreed to when Nico contacted her for help.

XXXXXX

"Listen here Eli, I'm only going to say this once and you better be grateful that I decide to risk myself." Nico informed Eli, the latter nodding silently. A ringtone was heard echoing throughout the basement.

"Oh sorry, it's you know who. I'll be going up yan..." Maki replied, exiting the basement.

"Back to what I was saying. I'm in love with a woman that has a funny Kansai accent 17 years ago. She was funny, a huge tease, big boobs, a spiritual yan, whatever. I loved her a lot, so much till I'm willing to throw away my beauty sleep for her pranks which got me into a hell lot of trouble."

"Beauty sleep? Really, is _that_ the most important thing to you at that time?" Eli asked, deadpanning at the fact that Nico valued sleep over other priorities.

"Yes sleep. Okay, so we dated in our last year of high school. Then we went to college together. All was well until the second semester of our second year, where some insanely handsome half-Russian dude entered that woman's major. That bozo had a serious side that made her wanna break it, thus she began to spend more time with him."

"T-That's it? She instantly fell for the man?"

"Heck no, she was still totally head over heels for me! She then slowly became friends with him, even going as far as to introduce him into our friend circle. Okay so I didn't like him, and I can tell that he too hates my guts but we didn't tell her. So one day, the nine of us went drinking together. Three of us had to remain sober so as to send the other six home. And as you can guess, I'm definitely _not_ the one stayin' sober."

"Who sent you and the woman back?" Eli asked the most important question, making Nico grit her teeth in anger. _'Did I hit a nerve...?'_

"That insanely hot, six abs Russian of course. He sent me home first, since I was more plastered than her. After that... I don't know where he brought the woman but he definitely produced a spawn."

"You mean they had sex?!"

"Yeah, and how do I know? That jerk told me the next day, giving me a boasting grin. I still remember the exact words he told me..."

"W-What?"

"He said 'I took your woman Nico. She's mine now'. God damn it..."

"S-So what happened after that?!"

"That woman was clueless since said asshole clothed her before she even woke up. After a while, I noticed that she was getting fatter. Then I realised she wasn't getting fatter, she was pregnant with that bastard's kid! So, on 8 September 2021 I decided to take the relationship to the next level by asking her to marry me. Of course same-sex marriages weren't legal then but you get the idea right?"

"Yeah, did she ever realise that she was carrying a child?"

"Sure did, three days after I proposed to her. She never told me about it, I heard this from from a friend. Okay so exactly a month later she and that guy got married, giving birth to a bloody girl less than a month later. Actually, within a few days to be more precise."

"Then the wedding...?"

"I didn't attend it. I knew she was going to leave me, but I still don't want to attend especially since that guy stole her from me." Nico ended, pulling out the moonstone necklace she had stolen from Nozomi's house. "Y'see this necklace?"

"That's the one Mama treasured! She said it was from a 'Nico Yazawa'... wait, are you..." Eli stopped, turning to look Nico in the eyes.

"Am I what?" Nico asked, glaring at Eli.

"You're... You're Nico Yazawa?!"

"That is right."

"And the story you told me... it was about Mama and Papa right?"

"Correct."

"I'm the one who ruined your relationship...? Oh my god I'm so sorry!" Eli burst into tears, alerting Nico.

"H-Hey don't cry! Look, I still love her! I'm not going to kill you for the love of whatever! MAKI NISHIKINO! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!"

"I thought you didn't wan- what the hell did you do her?!" Maki asked, hurrying down the stairs only to see Eli crying. "Shit, she's not the type to cry..."

"A-Aunt Maki?!" Eli gasped, taking a closer look at Maki's eyes.

"Oh f-" Maki's words were cut off by Kotori's entrance, who heard shouting coming from the basement.

"Aunt Kotori too?!"

"Uh... Ehehe?" Kotori laughed awkwardly before slowly going up the stairs, fleeing once she was out of range.

"I shouldn't have told you anything..."

"Well Nico-chan, be glad that you didn't tell her that your scar was caused by Eric."

"What?! I'm so so sorry!"

"Maki-chan, tell Kotori to get the chocolate! After that, I'll whack you y'hear me?!"

XXXXXX

"So you kidnapped me in order to meet Mama again? You could have just gone to her house and meet her..." Eli sniffed, calming down 15 minutes ago.

"I have no idea where she lives prior before the kidnapping. I only have all your contacts and I can't simply go 'Hey Nozomi, let's meet up and maybe get you to marry me for real this time' right?" Nico retorted, folding her arms.

"You probably could. At least we can drop the linguistic tics, that was a major pain in the ass." Maki sighed, rubbing a bruised forehead.

"I kinda like it though..." Kotori replied, smiling at Eli. "So now you know who we are, do you think you could help us?"

"I will help, you're much more suited to Mama than Papa. But how?" Eli nodded, agreeing to the request in a heartbeat.

"First of all Kotori, you know what are Nozomi's sizes right? I want you to whip up a wedding dress by tomorrow night since I don't exactly want to see what Nozomi wore on her marriage..." Nico grimaced, pushing the thoughts of Eric marrying Nozomi out of her mind.

"Okay then, plus she didn't wear anything fancy on that day..." Kotori left to sew a wedding dress, humming a happy tune as she left the basement.

"Maki-chan, you'll be in charge of gathering the rest. Make sure Umi doesn't find out about me or Eli."

"Got it, I'll start by contacting her." Maki pulled out her handphone, messaging all of the people needed in Nico's plan.

"Eli, I'll need you to write a letter to Nozomi telling her of the location. Make it as illegible as possible as though you're scared okay?"

"Okay, what about the dress?" Eli asked, holding up a pen.

"Tell her to wear it on the day we're meeting as we don't trust her. Oh and make sure to have a few blood drops on the paper, use your own in case Umi drops by and sends it for testing."

"Sure. Okay... Location...?"

"Ueno Park, 8 pm sharp." Nico then left the basement, off to carry out her own task.

"Hey Aunt Maki?"

"Yeah?" Maki asked, lying on the floor messaging the 'others'.

"Why didn't Mama notice that she was pregnant sooner?"

"Oh that... she actually thought she was getting fatter from all the yakiniku she ate."

"That's... not surprising for some reason."

XXXXXX

"What should I do... Elichi, please be safe..." Nozomi murmured to herself, curling up into a ball. Frantic knocking could be heard while Nozomi was wallowing in depression. With a heavy sigh, Nozomi dragged herself to the door only to face Kotori. "What is it?"

"Nozomi-chan! Take a look at this! It was at your doorstep just now!" Kotori held up a wrapped package and a piece of paper that was attached to it. Nozomi hurriedly took the paper out of the package and read through it.

"T-This is..." Nozomi gripped the piece of paper tightly, crumpling it.

"T-There's blood on it... Let me see..." Kotori took a look at the paper, reading it out loud to ensure that what she saw was exactly what Nozomi saw.

 _[8pm at Ueno Park. Wear the clothes inside the package. We don't trust you as you may be hiding recorders in your clothes. Remember the cash. Your 'Elichi' awaits.]_

"A-All I have to do is to wear the clothes right?" Nozomi asked, opening the package only to reveal a wedding dress. "Uh..."

"A wedding dress...? That's... interesting..." Kotori commented, blinking her eyes at the sight.

"Am I supposed to wear this on the train?"

"I could give you a lift? Oh right, Maki-chan said that she has a plan to nab the kidnapper without involving the police! Did you receive the message?" Kotori asked, holding up her handphone.

"I think I did... Probably. We should tell her about the details now that we have a time and location!"

"I already did! Taking photos sure is convenient! Oh a reply!" Kotori said as she scanned through the message.

 _Maki Nishikino:_ _[Okay, then let's meet up 10 mins before the meetup time. We'll pretend to be there for leisure, make sure to bring all those pro cameras.]_

 _Eric Ayase: [Wait, what happened to Eli?!]_

 _Maki Nishikino: [Whoops, forgotten about you...]_

 _Maki Nishikino removed Eric Ayase from the group._

 _Honkers: [ooh thats savage...]_

 _Nyanyanya: [ikr]_

 _Umi Sonoda: [Back to topic, what about Nozomi? She's required to wear the dress...]_

 _Minamibirdie: [No worries, i'll be sending her there! I'll catch up with you guys once i park the car somewhere!]_

 _Honkers: [yosh lets do this!]_

 _RiceRicePana: [Do you think Nico-chan got the message? I mean, she's overseas right?]_

 _Nyanyanya: [dun worry shes still in the grp]_

 _Maki Nishikino: [Just to play safe, Umi don't bring your weapons. It's too risky plus Nozomi definitely can't move with such restrictive clothing...]_

 _Umi Sonoda: [Noted.]_

 _Honkers: [duh, btw why isnt nozomi-chan replying]_

 _Minamibirdie: [Oh she's seeing the conversation via my phone, i'm over at her place remember?]_

 _Honkers: [oh yea]_

"Okay, the plan is now in place! Nozomi-chan, just relax! The six of us will be with you all the way!" Kotori said, patting Nozomi's back gently.

"I'm just worried about Elichi... But at least I know that Eric-kun didn't kidnap Elichi! I hope..."

"That's... unlikely... I guess?" Kotori replied, not revealing her confidence that Eric was not the kidnapper.

"Elichi... Mama will free you okay?"

"Speaking of which... Do you still feel anything for Nico-chan?" Nozomi was broken out of her muttering, turning her attention to Kotori.

"Nicocchi? She's still the only one in my heart. I just wished that I didn't sleep with Eric-kun, that way Nicocchi won't leave me..." Nozomi sighed, picking up a picture of Eli. "Then again... I wouldn't have met Elichi..."

"Why not have both? Maybe you should call Nico-chan, she could be taking an off day from work!" A 'ding' could be heard from both of their phones, indicating a new message.

 _Niconiconii: [sorry but im not coming back, tell nozomi happy anniversary for me guys]_

"Okay fine, you can just PM her." Kotori sighed in exasperation, Nico wasn't making anything easier for her in the end.

XXXXXX

"I have a bad feeling about this..." Eli informed Nico, who was clad in a tuxedo and a drama mask she obtained from an abandoned school.

"Ah it's gonna be fine. Today is the day that I proposed to her years ago and this is the day that I wanna marry her!" Nico declared, holding up her butterfly knife. "Thank god I didn't report the slashing incident."

"You mean the one involving Papa? Why not? Are you afraid of him at that time?"

"Nope, I would have to surrender this sweet ass butterfly knife he used!"

"You make a horrible mother."

"Sure do, which is why I would prefer to raise a decently aged kid than a baby."

"Here's Mama. Act like a kidnapper!" Nico nodded and placed the blade on Eli's neck. "L-Let go of me!"

"Elichi! I have the money here!" Nozomi threw a bag of money to the floor, wads of 1000 yen bills came spilling out of the bag.

"MinaKo! Count 'em while I get this lady to sign something... interesting..." Nozomi couldn't tell but she knew Nico was smiling, in a bad way that is.

"S-Sign what? Let my daughter go first!" Nico then pressed the blade closer to Eli's neck, making Eli flinch in terror.

"Sign this, and don't you _dare_ read it! If not... hehehehe..." Nico held up a slip of paper and a pen, handing it to Nozomi. Nozomi gulped but signed it nevertheless, handing it back to Nico afterwards.

"Ahahaha... AHAHAHAHA! I'VE FINALLY GOT IT! I'VE TAKEN _MY_ WOMAN BACK!" Nico laughed, causing Umi to leave her hiding spot with a rock in her hand.

"No you don't sicko!" Umi yelled, getting herself tackled afterwards. "Oof!"

"Thanks Maki-chan!" Nico removed her mask, revealing herself. "Kotori, go set up the area! Eli, you mind if you hand me that thing?"

"What's going on...?" Nozomi asked, confused at the sudden turn of events. "Nicocchi? Why are you in...?"

"Forget about that! We have a wedding to attend! You divorced Eric two years back didn't you?" Nico grabbed Nozomi's hand, a smile on her face as she led her new wife to the wedding venue.

"Yes but how-"

"Kotori and Maki-chan."

"Wait a minute... You kidnapped Elichi! You expect me to marry you after all that?!" Nozomi asked, slapping Nico's face.

"Yes! I'm going to put on the necklace on you later! The one that I gave you _and_ stole!" Nico gave a thumbs up, earning herself another smack from Nozomi.

"You're the worst Nicocchi!" Nozomi replied, trying to suppress a smile as they arrived at the wedding ceremony.

"Ah Nico-chan! I got Kayo-chan and Honoka-chan to bring the food!" Kotori pointed to the food on the table, thankfully 90 percent of it wasn't filled with bread or bowls of rice.

"You should have told me sooner Nico-chan! That drawn out proposal including kidnapping Eli-chan was the best!" Honoka praised, holding up a white cake.

"Rin agrees nya! Oh and Rin made this ring for Nico-chan after hearing about the wedding!" Rin nodded, holding up a box.

"Wait, who told you about it?"

"Maki-chan nya! She told Rin that if Rin told either Umi-chan or Nozomi-chan, she'll be sleeping with the fishies nya... And Rin hates fish..." Nico slapped her forehead, turning to glare at Maki.

"Hey it was better than telling everyone right? I even kicked Eric out of the group!" Maki defended, holding a bouquet of roses. "I even went out of my way to place a weighing scale in front of Hanayo!"

"T-The horrors..." Hanayo trembled, shivering at the thought of being reminded of her weight.

"I cannot believe that you two are involved in this. Kidnapping is a crime!" Umi shouted, trying to knock some sense into Maki and Kotori.

"Aunt Umi, it's not called a kidnapping if I enjoyed it right?" Eli tugged on Umi's sleeve, a pleading look on her face.

"Yes it still is-"

"It's just a sleepover!" Eli continued, clinging on to Umi's body.

"But-"

"Sleep. Over." Eli punctuated the word, holding up Nico's butterfly knife.

"Gah fine..." Umi relented, writing off the case. "Nico, you're lucky that the office doesn't know about this case..."

"Thank god then. Eli, be a good girl and play with Aunt Umi okay?" Nico sighed in relief, thankful for the fact that Umi was wiling to turn a blind eye to the kidnapping.

"Okay. Hey Aunt Umi, check out this knife Papa used to slash Mom!"

"M-Mom?! When did they-"

"Just now Umi-chan! That letter Nozomi-chan signed was the marriage certificate! Okay guys, are we ready?" Kotori called out, holding up a bible she 'borrowed' from a hotel.

"Yeah! Just say the vows and we can exchange the thingies!" Nico nodded, holding Nozomi's hand tenderly.

"Well that explains why Maki told me to wear a dress... Also, I think we can detect fingerprints and decade old blood from the blade..." Umi muttered, staring at the knife closely. "Hopefully..."

"Okay then! Nico Yazawa, do you take Nozomi Tojo as your lawfully wedded wife, and to woo her all over again should she leaves you for whatever reason?"

"Yes I do."

"You know Rin... Nico-chan didn't exactly woo Nozomi this time right?" Maki turned to Rin, who was sobbing at the scene. "R-Rin?!"

"I-It's so touching nya..." Rin wiped away tears from her eyes, gripping on the hem of Maki's dress tightly.

"And do you, Nozomi Tojo, take Nico Yazawa as your lawfully wedded wife, forever to love her for all eternity?"

"I do! Can I kiss her now Kotori-chan?"

"Just go for it already Nozomi-chan!" Honoka yelled from her table, her mouth stuffed full with bread. Nico and Nozomi then pressed their lips together, eliciting squeals of joy (and one 'how shameless') over the scene.

"By the way... Who's taking the surname?" Hanayo asked after the two of them exchanged the ring/necklace.

"Nozomi is! Nozomi Yazawa sounds nicer than Nico Tojo yeah?" Nico declared, bringing her wife into a hug.

"I agree! I've always wanted to take your name Nicocchi~" Nozomi agreed, nuzzling Nico's cheek. "Although just one question..."

"Yes?"

"How did the three of you break into my house?!"

"Yeah! I also want to know that since I didn't hear you guys breaking in!" Eli added, causing Nico to sweat.

"Uh... Ehehehe..." Nico laughed awkwardly, turning to her accomplices for help. Said accomplices were looking away from Nico, feigning ignorance over the question at hand.

 _'Oh god damn it you guys...'_

XXXXXX

'Code names': Maki was the one that came up with the code names (unfortunately she wasn't blessed with creativity so she took parts of Kotori's and her own full name to make 'code names'). Nico's code name was simply just taken from her surname (after all Yazawa and Yakuza did sound similar...)

Linguistic tics: Kotori came up with them as she was enjoying her role as 'MinaKo'. Maki chose 'yan' as it was the very first thing she could come up with (again, no creativity).

Why wasn't Eric kicked out of the group sooner?: Eric didn't message anyone in the group ever since he and Nozomi divorced, so he was sort of forgotten.

Why did Nico even 'steal' Eli's game console?: Nico was aware that since she couldn't leave her house, she would be on guarding duty. As such to pass time, she ransacked Nozomi's house (not really mentioned) just to find something that Eli could distract herself with.

Why can't Nico leave the house?: She didn't want to risk the chances of being spotted by Nozomi.

If Nico was Nozomi's ex, why didn't she know where the hell did Nozomi lived?!: Nozomi moved after marriage. In fact the current house was actually Eric's, but he lost almost everything in the divorce (Well he deserved it in my opinion).

Nozomi is crazy for marrying Nico!: Nozomi loves Nico too much and she didn't want to lose Nico again. (I agree that Nozomi is crazy though)

XXXXXX

That's the end of this story. The original one was a lot longer and darker, with more sexual mentions and a darker take on Nico's past. You know, the 'I lost my purpose in life and now I'm gonna do drugs and smoke the shit outta me' kind of dark.

Thanks for reading till the end readers.


End file.
